I haven't been able to work since January 2009 and I watch my husband work his buns off everyday. I know that he feel like the weight of the world is on his shoulders because he is financially responsible for the family. However, he's so cranky in the meantime and I feel like he is bitter because I'm sick. I was a nurse for 16+ years and made pretty great money. It is so difficult being on one income now, and the medical bills are just killing us. Financial problems are very hard on marriages. Very...
How did all of this happen and what did I do to deserve this? I also have fibromyalgia, Raynaud's in my toes and depression. This sure doesn't feel like 35 years old. My word, I wonder how I am going to feel when I am 50? I've already had 12 surgeries in my lifetime. Let's not have anymore!
I actually got out of the house today and took my oldest son to see "New Moon," which was pretty good! I never did finish the second book, but I enjoyed it anyway. Now I can skip to the next book. Okay- not a great idea...just a shortcut. I find it so difficult to read anymore though. Not that I can't read, but my medications make me so sleepy that I have trouble keeping my eyes open. The television gets really old after a while, though and I need something else to do. I end up being all alone in the house when my husband is off to work and my kids are at school. I end up just sleeping to try to ignore the pain and battle the maddening fatigue that plagues me everyday.
I always seem to come up with these fabulous ideas about what project I can start next and I even go so far as to buy materials, but that is about as far as it gets. My intentions are high, but my motivation only lasts for about a day. How frustrating. I know that I have always been a procrastinator, but this is really bad. I have so many things/projects that I want to complete, but I have only barely started them. I don't think I am lazy and I don't think I have ADD. I just can't keep my eye on the ball though. I had plans to quilt, sew aprons, purses/bags, reusable fabric sandwich and snack bags and many other things. I bought supplies, fabrics and patterns, but have never really gotten very far. I guess I just start hurting from all of the RA and fibro pain and forget about my plans. Then, in a few days I will get a small burst of energy. From that you would think I would use it to get going on the project, but no- I just start something else. Frustrating the way my brain works. It is difficult for me to get my teenager to not procrastinate when I am the Queen Procrastinator, but I do my best and don't fill him in on my lack of drive and motivation to get things done.
My most recent thoughts are to make some Christmas gifts for friends and family that are thoughtful, yet inexpensive. I found a site that has 250+ recipes for different things such as cookies, soups, teas/hot cocoa, etc... that you can put in a mason jar and make it have pretty layers. I might do that or maybe come up with a way to make ornaments. At any rate- something needs to happen since it is almost Thanksgiving. First, I need to finish addressing those Christmas cards! Oh man, I need a "to-do" list.
I'm going to attempt to sleep and sleep- in since tomorrow is Saturday. Mornings are the absolute worst for me and I haven't been up before 1:00pm all week. I hate RA and fibro. I'm trying not to let it define me, but right now it is at least consuming me. It has made everything difficult including relationships- especially my marriage, but that's for another day of blogging.
Until then...
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